Back to work ...

I've made a choice
That I regret
Now what I see
Is what I get
It's too late to look back
I've got no way to switch back
It's too late to look back
It ain't okay
I've got no way to switch back
- "Switchback" by Celldweller

I'm surprised. The blade of my hand hurts something nasty where I tried to crush it through a wall, but it isn't bruising. Maybe I didn't get mad enough. Might try again, here at the school. The walls here are cement instead of drywall.

I'm sorry, Dad, if I didn't give you enough time that I didn't really have to begin with.
I'm sorry if you have to cosign for my hopeful bank loan so I can stay in school this semester.
I'm sorry if I don't have enough experience in the fucking real world to know things like this.
I'm sorry if you have to work so fucking much.
I'm sorry I fucking let you down.

But do you know what?

You don't have to fucking remind me at every possible opportunity in a conversation! Once is enough to make me feel like a fucking failure in your eyes! Every repetition after that is like you're taking a sledgehammer to the nail in the back of my head and jackhammering it just in case I forget!

I won't forget. I learned.

Now would it kill you to show a little positive encouragement as I'm trying to keep my future from being ripped apart?

I'm going to get an account on eBay and PayPal soon, to hopefully sell what I can. Old CDs, some of my posters, maybe even my beloved comic book collection. Whatever I can. Funny how some of the stuff that inspired me to work as far as I have at this point might have to be sacrificed just so I can go farther.

Life fucking sucks.

Semi-public announcement time!

Okay. This goes out to people on my friends list, and to anyone word-of-mouth past them.

I am open for commissions. Hit me. Email me, call me, enlist me, question me. I'm still not totally sure how prompt I'll be with these (I'm a full-time college student, soon to have a part-time job as well), or how I'm going to work out the correspondance, but this is the official word.

I can do character sketches and designs, portraits, random whatevers to the best of my efforts, but nothing that I can't ship relatively easily (ie: size). I can paint, I can draw, I can watercolor some. To check my pseudo-portfolio, either surf back my journal a few months, or peek at my soon-to-be -really-updated gallery: http://agynieblack.deviantart.com

Ratings and content not a huge proplem, but I do reserve the right to say, " ... Uhm, no." I don't have a problem with mature content. Just please, I beg you, do treat this with a grain of maturity. I will most certainly NOT take "OOH@ Draw me teh Furry pr0n!@" requests seriously. *shudder* Images of copyrighted characters will include an acknowledgement of rightful ownership either on the picture or attatched to it. I will not rip anyone off or disavow their hard work. I respect myself too much as an artist for that.

Prices will be dealt with on an individual basis, as fairly as I can, considering that I MAY have to purchase materials specifically for these works, not to mention send them.

The commissioned pieces WILL be documented (either photographed or scanned) for portfolio and reference purposes, but the originals (or high-quality color printouts, in some cases) will be sent directly. I will TRY to finish these on a first-come-first-serve basis, but some things go faster than others, some supplies are more difficult to come by, and I am a bit of a perfectionist of the anally-obsessive strain. I will try to do my best for you. They, by hook or by crook, WILL be done.

In other news, some of my artwork may go up on eBay. I will post notice if or when they do.

And in other-other news:
Thank you, all who responded to my previous post. I hug you. Lots. I'll be okay.

Wallpaper!

And on the heels of the commission post, here's a sample of my general comic style:

Rated NP (Naked Person), very suggestive content. Pretty blatant, really. You'd have to be a nun to miss it ... or just really thick. No offense to nuns.
Character: Seberak, aka Jackal of tekMage: The War of Souls. (Copyright to me)

( Umm ... not really worksafe. Semi-worksafe. Depends if you work with a lot of naked people. )

And because I haven't updated enough today ...

Movie meme, snitched from Truth.

(  ... and cut, 'cause it's a doozie. )

And my writing_list responsibilites will resume tomorrow. Today was just ... volatile.