Back to work ...

[urbanamazon]

I've made a choice
That I regret
Now what I see
Is what I get
It's too late to look back
I've got no way to switch back
It's too late to look back
It ain't okay
I've got no way to switch back
- "Switchback" by Celldweller

I'm surprised. The blade of my hand hurts something nasty where I tried to crush it through a wall, but it isn't bruising. Maybe I didn't get mad enough. Might try again, here at the school. The walls here are cement instead of drywall.

I'm sorry, Dad, if I didn't give you enough time that I didn't really have to begin with.
I'm sorry if you have to cosign for my hopeful bank loan so I can stay in school this semester.
I'm sorry if I don't have enough experience in the fucking real world to know things like this.
I'm sorry if you have to work so fucking much.
I'm sorry I fucking let you down.

But do you know what?

You don't have to fucking remind me at every possible opportunity in a conversation! Once is enough to make me feel like a fucking failure in your eyes! Every repetition after that is like you're taking a sledgehammer to the nail in the back of my head and jackhammering it just in case I forget!

I won't forget. I learned.

Now would it kill you to show a little positive encouragement as I'm trying to keep my future from being ripped apart?

I'm going to get an account on eBay and PayPal soon, to hopefully sell what I can. Old CDs, some of my posters, maybe even my beloved comic book collection. Whatever I can. Funny how some of the stuff that inspired me to work as far as I have at this point might have to be sacrificed just so I can go farther.

Life fucking sucks.

Comments

[dhaunea.livejournal.com]

Well shit....

I can't offer you much from this distance... but if there's anything I can do to help - writing or talking or whatever... let me know.

And if you do decide to throw somethings up on E-bay, let me know.

[gxdm.livejournal.com]

I second Truth.

*hugs you*

And try to avoid walls with your hand or other body parts. The walls win.

[ballistik.livejournal.com]

Just hang in there. I think that, while, parents can be complete assholes (and i am the expert on that! meet my father!!), i think this may be an important way for you to achieve total self-sufficience. sure, you may have co-signed for a bank loan, but you are STILL in school, and you will pay most of the dues yourself, right? i think that's important. i make more $$ than my parents, and it isn't alot, i can tell you that much. but i know that i've gotten where i am because of everything that *I* have done in my life.

hang in there kiddo,
*B*

[ex-res-judic324.livejournal.com]

It's not always easy for parents to see beyond the immediate drain on the resources to see what's going on to require that drain. I'm sorry it's difficult, babe, it won't always be.

[hugs] One thing you might want to try as well is selling your art work on ebay. I know I'd be willing to bid on it. ^_^ If there's anything that I can do to help, let me know. Is there anyway to get a federal loan or something? Those tend to have lower interest rates.

[dumdums.livejournal.com]

Seem I'm late, but that seems to be what I do lately.
I'd offer you Sympathy, however I really am no good at that. So I'll just say this.

I'm certain you'll get through it all. Your Tenacieicie,... Stuborn enough to do it... One of the few that I know who are stuborn enough to do it.

[guilen.livejournal.com]

Ah. So you are also -there- are you.

GUILEN