Mrph.

[urbanamazon]

Roleplaying fun and massively addictive. It makes me want to write, want to draw, want to create even a fraction as much as the creator did. I want to design and paint this massive tattoo now ... rather, a set of tattoos. Like Giger meets Poe ... or something. Gah. My imagination is writing things my patience can't keep up on, I know it. I still haven't figured out where my own tattoo is going to be, yet I'm making all these designs for characters and roles and I have to write them down ...

Unfortunately, I can't at the moment. I have to torture myself with that maddening mental image as I drive to Lethbridge to visit family, then drive back and start work on Monday.

Bought a bed today. Finally. After running around like the lost idiot I was trying to find the place ... in southeast Calgary ... on foot ...

At least I'll be able to rest my tired legs on my nice new mattress ... next week.

I am a bit ... off ... at the moment, though.

I'm ... jammed, as it were. In a situation that really does not improve itself by being in the impersonal and sporadic world of Internet communication. It sucks when you're trying to be an RL friend to someone whom who know mainly by LJ entries and a handful of face-to-face meetings ... and trying to say something that attempts to be helpful and honest but constantly comes off as being a totally impersonal nagging bitch.

Yes, it made me mad. No, I'm not trying to guilt trip anyone. No, I'm not trying to be a martyr. I'm trying to ask what I can do, I'm trying to say that I don't turn my back on people that easily, I'm trying to be honest about what I want to say. I don't like driving people away, I don't like being misinterpreted, and I feel like an utterly guilty foot-in-mouth ass when I do/am. I don't like seeing people crushed, nor do I like being such, for that matter.

Talk to me. Call me sometime. Chat. Visit. Anything. Let me know you more so I know when to keep my worrisome mouth shut, rather than reacting in my own textbook way. Unless I know otherwise, that's all I can do.

I do apologize if this came out wrong or I made it worse or it sounds like I'm trying to make any party more the righteous. I'm not trying that.

I'm just ... trying.

Comments

[minimalismo.livejournal.com]

Whats the address to your new place?
I'd like to come visit! (housewarming, you know)

[kouryou.livejournal.com]

Housewarming? Well, you missed the first toga party, but we might be able to throw together another one sometime ... if we ever get around to cleaning the place.

[minimalismo.livejournal.com]

So how do I get there?

[kouryou.livejournal.com]

You check you inbox, silly.

[minimalismo.livejournal.com]

Weird, I just got it :D

[guilen.livejournal.com]

... I should give you a call some time

I don't imagine you have an unlimited long distance plan...

GUILEN

[kouryou.livejournal.com]

Don't think I do ... but as I am not the one that manages the phone in this household, I'll ask. Or get a phone card.

In the meantime ... ever around for AIM chat?

[guilen.livejournal.com]

I only have ICQ, because I'm not on my own computer. I'm not -going- to be either until I buy my own, which will happen before the end of 2004. I just don't know exactly when.

Til then, if you have Trillian, or feeling like using ICQ, its 47098481, and I'm usually invisible... heh heh

GUILEN

I try to do the good.

[chevaliermalfet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry sarah. As you were reacting to be protective of mark in your way, so too was I. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. In fact thats why I kept saying nice stuff about you in the comments. Because although I didn't think in this particular instance what you were doing was helping, I always have a great deal of admiration for you. Like I said sarah, people like you make the world better, and dont EVER give up on that. No matter how trying you find certain people.