Screenlift.

New layout. Made it a bit more Kouryou-ish. I -adore- that dragon so bloody much ...

Barry White ... with a ponytail.

I just got back from the Huron Carole concert, with mixed emotions.
As far as concerts went, I enjoyed it very much. There were good voices, a couple of smart jokes; it felt like a Fort McMurray concert (anyone who also lives in an isolated and kinda hick-y civilization will understand). Tom Jackson was quite the crowd pleaser, plus he was tall enough to call for a double take (from -me- of all people) and has a voice that rivals Barry White's.

But as for the other part ...

The Christmas carols that they sang got to me a little. I mean, for some of them I had to fight back tears. Not because I was all nostalgic and emotional or anything ...

I realized that I didn't care.

All these religious rhymes and talk of saviours and wise men and shepards ... I didn't believe a word of it. And I looked at these people who were so dedicated to their cause ... so intense with belief ... and I nearly cried.

Why? I don't get it. I couldn't really pin down that emotion that nagged at me.

Regret? Certainly not.
Pity?
Guilt?

I ... I just don't get it.

I don't belive in any set 'god' or 'saviour' or 'second coming'. I can't even name what religion that I was raised as only to turn away from it. My mom would probably freak if she knew. I mean, both her father and sister are ministers, and I'm the one who doesn't even know what kind of church I went to or was baptized in.

I think I mentioned this one time when my brother asked me if I was an atheist. He didn't really know what it meant at the time. When I truthfully responded that I didn't really know, my mom, overhearing this, did what I call a 'silent freak'. I heard her voice get kind of quavery, and she calmly and nonchalantly asked me to repeat myself.

I've been able to dodge any converstaions we had regarding church since, but I'm still not quite sure what I'd say if I was cornered by my parents about it. I feel like I'm living a facade. Not that anyone notices that it's even there until they confront it.

What am I ever going to do if I get married? My brother's Jehovah's Witness for Pete's sake!

*shakes head* Yargh. Just yargh.


Still was a good concert, though.