Back to work ...

[urbanamazon]

I've made a choice
That I regret
Now what I see
Is what I get
It's too late to look back
I've got no way to switch back
It's too late to look back
It ain't okay
I've got no way to switch back
- "Switchback" by Celldweller

I'm surprised. The blade of my hand hurts something nasty where I tried to crush it through a wall, but it isn't bruising. Maybe I didn't get mad enough. Might try again, here at the school. The walls here are cement instead of drywall.

I'm sorry, Dad, if I didn't give you enough time that I didn't really have to begin with.
I'm sorry if you have to cosign for my hopeful bank loan so I can stay in school this semester.
I'm sorry if I don't have enough experience in the fucking real world to know things like this.
I'm sorry if you have to work so fucking much.
I'm sorry I fucking let you down.

But do you know what?

You don't have to fucking remind me at every possible opportunity in a conversation! Once is enough to make me feel like a fucking failure in your eyes! Every repetition after that is like you're taking a sledgehammer to the nail in the back of my head and jackhammering it just in case I forget!

I won't forget. I learned.

Now would it kill you to show a little positive encouragement as I'm trying to keep my future from being ripped apart?

I'm going to get an account on eBay and PayPal soon, to hopefully sell what I can. Old CDs, some of my posters, maybe even my beloved comic book collection. Whatever I can. Funny how some of the stuff that inspired me to work as far as I have at this point might have to be sacrificed just so I can go farther.

Life fucking sucks.