Sin?

Is it a sin to say that you haven't chosen your religion yet?
Is it a sin to say that you aren't a Christian in a family of Christians because you don't agree with it?
Is it a sin to say that you don't know what religion you are?
Can I just _have_ my own beliefs instead of having to defend them and justify them whenever I say my opinion?

This is a debate I've been having with my brother. He once asked me if I was an atheist, just from overhearing the word used by a friend. When I said that I didn't know, Mom calmly freaked. You know, how someone goes all quiet and calm, but their words say that they're very disturbed.

Now, my mom was raised in a religious family. Grandpa's a retired minister, and my aunt is a minister as well. My half-brother's Jehovah's Witness (no wisecracks here, okay?).

When I was visiting my older half-brother last summer, we checked out Future Shop and I bought the Princess Mononoke soundtrack. I loved the movie, so I was very pleased with the find. After the vacation, I received an email from my brother saying that he had looked at some of my CDs when I was down there, and the titles of some of the songs worried him. Specifically, the tracks on Princess Mononoke.
Some of the titles relate to specific scenes in the movie; The Demon God, The Demon Power, Land of the Impure, Land of the Dead, etc.

He said that these titles worried him, and that he found them unacceptable. And then he goes on to say, “Let’s see what the book of god has to say about this …” And he goes on to quotes scripture for about two whole pages.

Now, I love my half-brother, I really do, but this makes me glad that we don’t live in the same house. In fact, I’m worried about going to his wedding in the summer. He hasn’t said anything to me about it since, and I deleted the email, but I always feel like I have to watch what I say around him, watch my steps … and watch my back.


For some reason, they can't accept that I don't place a high priority on religion. I don't think about it that often. I have more immediate and corporeal tings on my mind. I didn't even think about it that much when I was in Sunday school all those years. I don't like conforming myself to a solid layout of beliefs. I have a friend who is agnostic, and I support her for that, but I'm not ready to believe in stuff like that yet.

I do not condemn religion, but I don't approve of some of its components, either. I know some people that are highly intolerant of certain things and they use their religion to say why.

Forgive me, but I see some beliefs like that as hypocritical. I know that I am a hypocrite (for example, I'm intaolerant of intolerant people), but I am aware of it and don't try to justify myself.

So, my brother wants an explanation. Honestly I don't have one. We get into a nasty disagreement in the back yard, but fifteen minutes ater, he acts like it never happened.

I don't know how much longer I can live in this house. Perhaps I'm getting too independent. Perhaps my views just don't fit with everyone else's.

It gets confusing. And frustrating. I mean, if Mom starts taking us to church again (we haven't since before we moved here; more than thre years), what do I do? Do I go quietly because it will make Mom happy?

If I say the words, I won't mean them. They'll be hollow. Yet, what can I do? I care about my mom a lot, but I can't accept a set of beliefs just because the rest of my family believes in them. I don't think that way. Can it be that simple? Why does it have to be so complicated?


Black heart scarring darker still ...

What I've felt
What I've known
Turn the pages
Turn to stone ...

What I've felt
What I've known
Sick and tired
I stand alone ...

Or are you Unforgiven, too?


Yargh.


I wanna see Spider-Man.