"Death is your art."

For those of you who might have been concerned, the circumstances surrounding my last post have been remedied. I was having somewhat of a nervous breakdown at the moment, and I needed a good rant at the nearest outlet, that outlet of course being me. All is good now.
Maybe it's just the fact that I'm so happy with my life at the moment that when the slightest failure rears up to bite me in the ass, I tend to overreact. Yeah, yeah, I'm a hypocrite and I should have learned by now... but I'm only human.

Ah shit!! My 'What is Human' essay!! *shrug & sigh* More homework to do tomorrow while watching cartoons, I suppose.

I think this housesitting thing is starting to really get to me. I'm loving all this privacy, solitude, and newfound independence. Granted, that probably isn't a good thing, seeing that I'm currently so broke that I couldn't buy a hot chocolate at the Lounge if I wanted to, and I've developed a bit of a bad habit for skipping meals. I just ... forget, that's all.
About the independence thing, I'm nearly preferring living alone to living with my family at the moment. My mom and dad camer over to fix the van that died in the driveway when Mom dropped me off in the first place, and when they were done, I felt like saying, 'Okay, bye! Come visit later!'. I don't resent their company, I'm just relishing this shred of adulthood. I can do anything here.
I can stay up all hours watching TV or netsurfing, I can leave dishes in the sink until I find where the dish soap is, I can drain all of the hot water, I can sleep naked.

Maybe ... ah, Hell, I know I'm not being realistic. This isn't what it's going to be like when I get to live on my own. If I get to live on my own. I don't even know that. Calgary is looming closer with every passing day, and while I do wish it would loom just a little faster, I don't quite know if I'm quite ready yet.

I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I can't drive (can't even take lessons till next year ... damn AMA instructor shortage), I procrastinate, ... The list goes on.

I guess I'll just have to find out. And probably have another nervous breakdown or two.

---

I accidently hung up on Jiggy this afternoon. I didn't mean to, but she called me on my cell just as it was dying. It cut her off mid-sentence, and then my parents called on the other line. I knew she was going to ask if I could do anything for the afternoon, but I didn't get the chance to call her back. *cue guilt*

I'll call her tomorrow and see if she wants to sneak into Red Dragon with me for a matinee. That is, if I can borrow bus fare and five bucks from someone.

Watched the 'Fool for Love' episode of Buffy tonight ... twice. The one that exposes Spike's past. Damn, I love Spike's character. He gets some of the best lines in the entire freaking series, the best clothes, the best personality.

"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work it's will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." -Spike

"What are you doing here? Five words or less." -Buffy
"Out for a walk ... bitch." -Spike

"'How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night-thing.'
'No need, little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love and a pesky curse defanged me and now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. *pause* No, not the hair. Never the hair.'
'But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.'
'No. Helping those in need is my job and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.'
'I understand, I have a nephew who's gay.'
'Say no more, evil's afoot and I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hairgel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile. Away!' -Spike, again. Mocking Angel the Doof.

Angel's lost his edge. Fatherhood and loving Cordy *shudder* has made him a doof. Doofs are bad. Riley was a doof. Riley sucked.

And while I was watching, I finished ... well nearly finished the headshots for the Black Angel quiz. All but one. Kinda confused me, though. I mean, I drew Lysander first shot, and Celia and Aleanna and Yuki and William. Even N'tesh and Oniyuri, and Lucifer, who I'd never been able to draw before. Xander gave me a bit of trouble, but I couldn't draw Kouryou. I just ... couldn't. I guess Wulf went to sleep. *checks* ... yep.

Maybe I should take a hint and follow suit before I get a metaphorical pillow chucked at my psyche for typing too loud.

Checklist for tomorrow;
1. Determine which page of the Book of Kells I'm going to reproduce for Art History.
2. Start and finish Draft 1 of Art Media essay.
3. Call Jiggy. Watch movie with disturbing content. (At least Dad's on my side with the maturity vs. age war.)
4. Write email for Art Media.
5. Wake up and eat breakfast. Possibly indulge in Saturday morning cartoons.

.... And now to prioritize ...hrm.

Ach, I'll sleep first. 'Night, people.

About time. One more word and I was gonna get the pillow.

Oh, hus-*smack*-OW! That was the alarm clock you fizzy little prick!

Good. I wanted to sleep in, anyways.

"I'm insane. What's his excuse?"

Even insane, Spike's classic.

And what did I actually accomplish today? Not a Hell of a lot, sadly. I identified the page I'm going to reproduce from the Book of Durrow for Art History, I wrote that email for Art Media ... I finished the headshots for the Black Angel quiz, and drew a damn cool sketch of Kouryou, simulated a deleted scene of 'Alaskan Malamute Hunter' and wondered why my arm hasn't started to bruise yet....

I need to stop procrastinating and get some intitiative in my life. I need someone to nag me into working, and neither my conscience or my muse are giving me a kick in the posterior lobe. I suspect they ditched me for tea. Or possibly a sauna.

... I need a sauna.

After some more Black Angel writing. I promise that much. I'm even starting to smell another sidestory, remembering all the thundering success *cough* the first one snagged.

So yeah. Me. Work. Right.

At least I don't have college on Monday.

Haven't done one of these for a while. I'll cut it to save everyone the annoyance.
( Insert subtitle here. )