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The religion of panic.
Feb. 1st, 2008 01:32 pmYesterday... this icon was never more appropriate in the context of me and my day. Today I'm still a little bit reeling.
And by reeling, I mean I just got my third wind at about 11 am. Last night, I did not sleep at all. I think I've mentioned before that this is a very, very bad idea for me, and something to be done only in the most dire of circumstances.
Well, yesterday was kinda dire. Lemme 'splain...
Even though I've been going to school for 18 years straight, that's not to say I am immune to the moments of stomach-dropping terror when one realizes that yeah? That not-so-little half-hour Powerpoint presentation I was scheduled to give for my Art History class? Is due in about eight hours, and not next week. I discovered that at about 10 am yesterday, mid-Computer Science lab, and little chorus lines of 'SHITSHITSHITSHIT' were the soundtrack. So began my exercise in a karmic wristslap.
I panicked. I left CompSci early, rejoicing in that I have a Mac that I can access ssh at home with. I realized I didn't even have my Art History textbook. I went to the bookstore and begged and pleaded to buy one for about two hours. I caught them on a good day. I went to the library to find books about the artists of the chapter. Three were in, but not findable on the shelves. I fell into despair. I contemplated missing work, but realized I hadn't quite accumulated enough hours and didn't want to squander them. I said to myself, "Self," I says, "it's only 15% of my grade...."
I emailed my instructor, saying I was missing this class but perfectly willing to hand in a hardcopy of the presentation in the morning and present it next week, taking whatever deductions he wanted to give.
He is a generous and kind soul and replies, saying that would be fine.
And then I walk back to my car and find an eleven dollar parking ticket because I stayed overlong in visitor parking doing my freakout and paying a chunk of my tuition.
Karmic wristslap, says I.
I literally did not sleep. I took a shower at about 3:30 am to wake up. I have a 28-slide presentation loaded with images, a bunch of listed sources, and a 4 page long presentation, and I slipped it under his door about an hour and a half ago.
I think I'm approaching Buddhist enlightenment through all-nighter school panic. Hitting about 5 am... and even past that, to right now... I don't care. It's done. Whatever the grade. I'm terrified of public speaking as it is. That'll be next week. Today is Friday and that means I just do not care enough to panic anymore.
Calvin and Hobbes to Buddha.
... I like that.
And by reeling, I mean I just got my third wind at about 11 am. Last night, I did not sleep at all. I think I've mentioned before that this is a very, very bad idea for me, and something to be done only in the most dire of circumstances.
Well, yesterday was kinda dire. Lemme 'splain...
Even though I've been going to school for 18 years straight, that's not to say I am immune to the moments of stomach-dropping terror when one realizes that yeah? That not-so-little half-hour Powerpoint presentation I was scheduled to give for my Art History class? Is due in about eight hours, and not next week. I discovered that at about 10 am yesterday, mid-Computer Science lab, and little chorus lines of 'SHITSHITSHITSHIT' were the soundtrack. So began my exercise in a karmic wristslap.
I panicked. I left CompSci early, rejoicing in that I have a Mac that I can access ssh at home with. I realized I didn't even have my Art History textbook. I went to the bookstore and begged and pleaded to buy one for about two hours. I caught them on a good day. I went to the library to find books about the artists of the chapter. Three were in, but not findable on the shelves. I fell into despair. I contemplated missing work, but realized I hadn't quite accumulated enough hours and didn't want to squander them. I said to myself, "Self," I says, "it's only 15% of my grade...."
I emailed my instructor, saying I was missing this class but perfectly willing to hand in a hardcopy of the presentation in the morning and present it next week, taking whatever deductions he wanted to give.
He is a generous and kind soul and replies, saying that would be fine.
And then I walk back to my car and find an eleven dollar parking ticket because I stayed overlong in visitor parking doing my freakout and paying a chunk of my tuition.
Karmic wristslap, says I.
I literally did not sleep. I took a shower at about 3:30 am to wake up. I have a 28-slide presentation loaded with images, a bunch of listed sources, and a 4 page long presentation, and I slipped it under his door about an hour and a half ago.
I think I'm approaching Buddhist enlightenment through all-nighter school panic. Hitting about 5 am... and even past that, to right now... I don't care. It's done. Whatever the grade. I'm terrified of public speaking as it is. That'll be next week. Today is Friday and that means I just do not care enough to panic anymore.
Calvin and Hobbes to Buddha.
... I like that.