it must be thursday

[urbanamazon]

Yesterday morning began with the euphoria of buying plane tickets... buying plane tickets for May, and not having to spend a dollar for the Airmiles.

This morning began with the stomach-lurching terror of realizing that a little tupperware container of yogurt in my lunchkit had exploded. In my backpack. On top of my laptop.

FUCK

sigh

I realize I'm not a rocket scientist. I realize I'm not even a fizzy bottle scientist in a pinch. I'm forgetful, I'm blonde, and I'm scatterbrained on the best of days. I'm an adult, really, but there are some goddamn days when I'd like a little sympathy, instead of a raised eyebrow and a question why my lunchkit was in my backpack in the first place, or if I didn't know that yogurt did that in the first place. Who do I have to goddamn skullfuck to get a hug under my roof instead of a 'told you so' in not so many words?

Laptop's currently in the shop, and I'm expecting a call sometime this afternoon with a prognosis.

Looking into external hard drives and another laptop, paid monthly, just in case. Worst case scenario, and all.

It feels in part worse as that laptop was a gift of utmost generosity. The six-year-old in me feels like I've fucked up, damaged something only loaned. I haven't just screwed up in losing access to internet at school, all of this semester's notes, and the art/photos/music that I haven't already backed up more than a month ago... I fucking spilled yogurt on something precious.

Anyone who knows how much manic possessiveness I can put on material objects should be able to put two and two together.

And my backpack smells like yogurt, goddamn it. And I have an email in my inbox from my ex, asking if it's worth the 'marginal' effort he'd been putting in to keep in touch.

Does anyone in this goddamn city know who the hell I am? At all?

This day needs a do-over. See icon.

I'm angry and I'm depressed and I am so very, very lonely right about now. I'm tired of the only warm body that seems to like my close proximity happening to be my cat. I'm tired of feeling like I'm forgetting what it's like to be physically friendly... I think so many people have no idea what the hell I'm even talking about when I say that. I'm tired of my mom smiling at me and saying that taking myself out for a movie date is a good thing, like it's an option instead of the norm. I'm tired of looking down at my passport application's section for references, and thinking, 'Shit. Who has known me in this place for longer than two years that I'm not related to?'

I want May. I want May. I need May.

I'm tired of not drawing.

I'm just...

sigh

Comments

[gxdm.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[darko-x.livejournal.com]

I really hope, for the sake of your day, that your laptop is fine. It's probably not nearly as bad as you think... the reason that liquids damage electronics is that they are conductive to electricity and cause little short circuits that break shit. You could actually sink the entire bottom half of your laptop in cooking oil till it's soaked through and through and it wouldn't hurt a thing... although I doubt the LCD would like that idea.

You're lucky with the yogurt in that it's not extremely liquid to the point that it would really get deep down inside, and it's not very conductive even if it did. In the event that your hardware is hooped, your hard drive itself will be just fine and can be swapped into another machine, then either left there or have the data dumped to an external drive and swapped back to the new lappy drive.

You need to chill with someone for a while who is spending their time visiting you just for the sake of doing it. Everyone gets into such a rush over everything and it becomes strangely alienating after a time.

I am far away, but I know who you are. You have not seen me in ages but I remember you, and if life would slow down for a while I would not mind catching up, just to say hi. I hope the end of this day is better than the beginning :)