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Just ... grah and bleh and all other onomatopoeic words of dissatisfaction, frustration, exhaustion, and depression.
I finally managed to finsh a drawing during class that I am happy with. Wanna know why?
- I had no one telling me what to draw.
- I had no one telling me how to draw it.
- I had no one telling me that it wasn't good enough.
- I had no one telling me to 'take it further'.
- I had no one telling me that my 'style' was crap and that I had to start over because they thought that they'd improve it by doing *insert manipulation here*.
It was mine. 100% my drawing. About fucking time.
Searching places to find
A piece of something to call mine
....
The place where I wanna be
Is the place I can call mine
Why do I feel that it's been so long since I've done one of those?
I'm just ... so tired. I'm spending up to fourteen hours a day at this college, with maybe five hours of sleep per night if I'm lucky. I have about seventy different projects that have to be completed and organized into two portfolios, a video, an essay, a twenty-four part self-portrait; all due to hand in by next Friday.
I feel like there's no room to be me in the 'real world'. I'm a tool, a statistic, a lump to be formed into what others want to see me as.
And last night I got reamed out by my dad for nodding off a little during the three-hour awards ceremony. He thought that it might screw up my chance to get any more scholarships because the sponsors might have seen me.
I don't care! I'm tired! I'm not used to living on hard work and sleep deprivation like you! I'm eighteen fucking years old! I'm more exhausted than I've ever been in my life, and it's been that way for the last two months! Forgive me for finding a shred of relative quiet in closing my eyes for a few seconds!
I need rest. Long, solid, honest, and real rest.
And a hug. From someone who won't judge me, critique me, pity me, take advantage of me, annoy me, slam me, or expect me to be something I'm not.
Just a hug, please?
I finally managed to finsh a drawing during class that I am happy with. Wanna know why?
- I had no one telling me what to draw.
- I had no one telling me how to draw it.
- I had no one telling me that it wasn't good enough.
- I had no one telling me to 'take it further'.
- I had no one telling me that my 'style' was crap and that I had to start over because they thought that they'd improve it by doing *insert manipulation here*.
It was mine. 100% my drawing. About fucking time.
Searching places to find
A piece of something to call mine
....
The place where I wanna be
Is the place I can call mine
Why do I feel that it's been so long since I've done one of those?
I'm just ... so tired. I'm spending up to fourteen hours a day at this college, with maybe five hours of sleep per night if I'm lucky. I have about seventy different projects that have to be completed and organized into two portfolios, a video, an essay, a twenty-four part self-portrait; all due to hand in by next Friday.
I feel like there's no room to be me in the 'real world'. I'm a tool, a statistic, a lump to be formed into what others want to see me as.
And last night I got reamed out by my dad for nodding off a little during the three-hour awards ceremony. He thought that it might screw up my chance to get any more scholarships because the sponsors might have seen me.
I don't care! I'm tired! I'm not used to living on hard work and sleep deprivation like you! I'm eighteen fucking years old! I'm more exhausted than I've ever been in my life, and it's been that way for the last two months! Forgive me for finding a shred of relative quiet in closing my eyes for a few seconds!
I need rest. Long, solid, honest, and real rest.
And a hug. From someone who won't judge me, critique me, pity me, take advantage of me, annoy me, slam me, or expect me to be something I'm not.
Just a hug, please?