Broken plans.

If there's one thing that will forever haunt me for weeks on end, interrupting my sleep and making me behave like a child who just lost her dog to a zombie bite, it will be disappointing people. I'm sorry, I don't know how the procedure went in your family, but in mine?

We've got the guilt. We are masters of carrying the guilt.

Not that I like it. Really, it feels terrible and it feels terrible all the damn time.

If I make plans with someone and something else rears its head to obstruct those plans... like say, I want to RP a huge bunch on my day off and then go into town with my boyfriend to watch a bunch of anime before work... only to have my globetrotting cousing that I haven't seen in four years show up at my front door and stay overnight?

I. feel. like. crap.

I ended up only doing a fraction of the RP I intended, sneaking up to my room to refresh LJ and maybe sign on AIM for all of three minutes at a stretch. I ended up pretty much keeping Spencer out here till midnight, and then saying sorry, Mom gave me the eyes, I can't go along with what we planned either.

I know he was disappointed. I'm glad he stayed out and we had a great day, but I could tell he was biting his tongue about a lot of things.

And I feel like a heel for it.

So I promised to come out to the city as early as possible and make him breakfast in atonement. I've had about five hours of sleep thanks to the cat in my room, my throat is killing me, I'm still getting strange five-second migranes of nail-in-the-skull PAIN instead of head rushes, and now I've got 'big family breakfast' to deal with, too.

It's not that I try to make promises or plans I can't keep.

It's that if I see that look of disappointment on anyone's face, or hear it in their voice, I will fall over myself trying to create new plans to make up for breaking my previous ones. And I know it. And I don't care at the moment how badly I shoot myself in the foot.

So here I am... trying to atone.

No explanations