Wakey-note.

[urbanamazon]

Okay, my Dad told me that he 'accidently' read some of my recent journal entries. Said that they disturbed him a little.

Do I come off as being depressed and frustrated?

Is this journal nothing but a place for me to wallow in self-pity and pessimism? For anyone?

Y'see, for me, writing is the best and safest way for me to vent. No physical harm, and by the time I've found my words and typed them out, I'm okay. It's like channelling. Yes, sometimes I'd rather channel a few things through a blade and opponent, but I have to make do with what I've got.

Yes, I'm a teenager. Yes, I'm in college. Those do tend to be a bit of a stress-inducer. Stress can lead to frustration. Life is no hopskip-n'a-jump.

Yes, I have happy moments. Yes, I remember then more readily than the unpleasant ones. Believe me on that.

But do my words come off as being depressed? Or am I a bit lacking in my literary expression skills?

Comments

Parental based rant I

[dhaunea.livejournal.com]

Speaking as one of the singularly blessed few who moved away from home at 17 and never darkened their parents doorstep again (well, I do visit, but rarely for more than a few days a year), I'd say that whatever you write in your journal is an expression that does not require or request parental supervision.

I've stated before that I was raised by rather strange people, but while I was always allowed to make my own decisions and my own mistakes, they believed that their function was simply to provide me with as much information and support as possible and be there to catch me if I fell.

Thanks to their encouragement, I fell very, very rarely.

I moved away, went to college, got married and became a widow all before I was 24. I write _very_ disturbing stuff, yet (when my doctor sent me to a psychiastrist because of stress interfering with my various medical problems) I was told that I'm incredibly well-adjusted, very brave, independant and a delightful conversationalist.

Despite my 'disturbing' writings, I'm not only apparently quite 'well-adjusted', I own a beautiful, four bedroom home (with a housemate), am a responsible, tax-paying citizen and work for the government.

My parents have chosen to support me in everything I do, despite my tendencies to do such things as dash off to go clubbing, hang out with strange and mildly disturbed people, indulge in trips to meet strangers thousands of miles away and write things for yaoi-based contests.

Hell, my father _read_ my entry and made comments on it. My mother asked me for a signed copy of one of my stories. My mother edits some of my original stuff and my father provides translation and technical support for 'Something Missing'.

Neither of them would dream of reading anything that I write or my livejournal without my express permission, even though it is in a public forum because they are my parents and feel that I should not have to feel as though they are spying on me.

They do, however, have my permission, because I trust them not to give me a hard time and because I know that they will not judge me. The upbringing that my parents gave me was based on trust and because they trusted me, implicitly, I trust them.

A sample conversation:

Parental units: You do realize that you can come to us for anything.
Me *12 year old skepticism showing*: Right.
Dad: Anything. We're your parents, and that's what parents do.
Me: And if I murdered someone?
Mom *not missing a beat*: We'd try to talk you into turning yourself over to the police, find you a very good lawyer, post bail and, if necessary, visit you every Thursday.

Parents, in my narrow and jaundiced view, have a job to see to it that you reach college age healthy. As long as you are financially dependant on them, they have a right to be worried about you and impose certain rules. I do not, however, feel that those rules extend to making psychological diagnoses based on what you choose to write.

Teenagers suffer from a great deal of completely chemical and hormone based angst. Most of them can't help it. This is a medically and psychologically proven fact. Parents really need to go out and read up on what it really means, mentally, to be a teenager. Most of them don't remember and really will not ever be able to understand. Hearing another adult telling them that they're worrying unneccesarily will sometimes help.

TBC

Parental rant II

[dhaunea.livejournal.com]

Writing is a widely accepted therapy tool. Chances are if you ended up in someone's office with a diagnosis of depression, the very FIRST thing they would do is urge you to go out and write.

Therefore: Your father should be pleased that you're sitting down and writing the things that you think and feel. I know that's one of the main reasons the psychiatrist that I saw felt that I was so well-adjusted and not really in need of therapy. I write.

Not everyone ends up like Poe, after all.

So tell your father he ought to do some reading on the modern teenager and writing. As long as he sticks to sources who know what they're talking about not only will it keep him out of your hair, he might learn something valuable about you in the process.

Not all parents are as reasonable as mine, however, so I'm not sure how well this advice will work.

FYI: I am not an only child, but I was eldest. My younger brother moved away from home at 16, out of the state at 18 and is now happily married at age 22. Thanks to their parenting he was always a straight A student, a nationally recognized athelete, on the Dean's list at college and a very sweet and well-adjusted young man.

So giving your children control over their own life, as long as you've done a good job being a parent thus far, can work and it has nothing to do with their writing habits and/or methods of self-expression.

But it's all based on trust, frankly.

Good luck.

(Sorry for the extended rant. My parents also raised me not to be afraid to air my opinions to the defenseless masses. I didn't really mean to use your livejournal as a podium, however. Feel free to delete these once you've read them.)